Bedtime Story : Amnesia

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

  Losing memories.  AMNESIA. I had said something about this; actually it was a caption for my edited picture, “Do not erase your memories, unless you’ve Amnesia.” Why I said that? Because it is crucial for us to have these memories even though they are bitter, and we feel like we want to forget and delete them from disturbing our life. Life is too short, we want it to be a mirthful life and we are planning to make it happen.

Believe it or not, I also had experienced this hard situation; I hardly can remember what I learnt from the past, my previous meaningful memories and my friends’ attitude towards me. People at my time did not give a damn about what I have to go through, and most of my friends do not believe me. They said it's just a fairy tale that I created so that I could use it to be an alibi for my previous exam result that was very bad. And for sure I was very sad, and I had this kind of uneasy feeling that they want me to look pathetic in front of them was in my mind and yes I did, during that time and thanks to those so-called ‘friends’. I am just writing this and I don’t care whether you guys want to give a damn or not to my stories, because what I am doing right now is not for seeking your attention, my lovely parents were showering with me with their love and they were more than enough for me. 

This was written to tell what comes out from my brain in a sudden time. Pay attention to what I say when you are sober, for me I had lost my memories for a short time, it was about a week. When I lost my memories, I was in an unstable condition, I mean, I felt sorry for myself. I cannot remember anything about how to solve the equations, how to answer a question about the meaning of ‘bio’ and ‘logos’ and I cannot even write a complete sentence in Bahasa Melayu although I was very good in that subject. One of my teachers had noticed what happened to me and she said I should get some rest, at least for a couple of days. I was a nerd person during my secondary-school time, that was what my friends said and I did not feel good when I have to apply for a leave, although it was for my sake of health. 

After my teacher urged me to do so, I had gone to the clinic to get a treatment. The doctor, who was very closed to my mother made an assumption about me that I was stressed out with my situation in school, but I didn’t notice what had happened to me until I lost my memories in a short time. She also said that I might not get used to what I learnt at that time, I was in a pure science stream except for Account that was taken as a compulsory additional subject. I knew that my mum was very sad… she just never showed it off, I was her hope. I was my family’s hope. I am the first born who should take the single step and get through the thousands journey so that my other dear siblings would manage to make me as their noticeable example, but what had happened to me seems like was not going to make that happen at the time. I was sad. Tears were always rolling on my cheeks, my spectacles were wet because of those salty waters.

 I recovered myself from my ‘amnesia’ and other life’s test was given to me. Then came another bigger test, and I made up a decision. A big decision that could change my whole life and before that I perform Istikarah prayer first. I followed what I dreamt and my instinct, and then right now, here I am! I am still a university student, although I was late. I was 20 years old when my dad’s car entered the silver gate of the university. Alhamdullilah, You made my dream happen!

1.1.2013 1.34 am

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P/S: Aku baru balik latihan medan.

       Letih, terseliuh, salah urat

       sume ada cukup lengkap.

       mata pun berat dah...

       so selamat malam dan maaf zahir batin:)